Peaceable Divorce
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What does it mean? The choice to marry is usually accompanied by celebration. Most of the time is a natural next step that follows a couple’s experience and declaration of love and commitment.
Divorce, on the other hand, is usually the product of long standing dissatisfaction. It’s a natural next step that follows unresolvable conflict. Couples don’t come to divorce easily. The path to divorce is littered with disappointment, resentment, anger and fear. Just as couples arrive at marriage with powerful, positive emotions, couples usually arrive at divorce with powerful negative emotions. |
Peaceable Divorce offers a framework for disentangling a couple emotionally and legally while minimizing damage to all concerned. When couples are able to Peaceably Divorce their chance of moving forward successfully is all but guaranteed.
Some thoughts on divorce...
When people say they are getting married, we automatically think about the wedding which includes a marriage certificate. When they say they are getting a divorce we almost automatically think they are going to an attorney to begin a legal process. We are inclined to mark the beginning and ending of marriage in very concrete, legal terms. We can point to a marriage certificate and a divorce decree. Both are legal, formal and dated as if the marriage actually began and ended on the dates designated.
We all know, however, that this kind of distinct beginning and ending is not the way marriage actually works. Most of the time, the wedding is a celebration of something (marriage) that took place weeks, months or even years earlier. The marriage certificate and date simply validate the commitment made. Likewise, the actual divorce decree is simply the validation of a process that likely took months or years to complete.
So, like marriage, divorce is both an emotional and legal event. In fact, for most couples the emotional aspect of divorce is much more difficult, time consuming and perhaps important than the legal aspect. When asked, most divorce attorneys will acknowledge that the legal dimension of divorce is often the place where couples act out their emotional divorce. The net result is that each party commits to pay $250 to $450 per hour to an attorney who will deal with emotional issues but who has no training in that area and who often exacerbates the emotional aspects of the divorce by using aggressive and adversarial language.
We believe divorce is primarily an emotional event and that the legal aspect of divorce simply formalizes the intention and/or the fact of the emotional divorce. The legal profession has an essential role in divorce but it should be engaged at the end of the process—not at the beginning.
We all know, however, that this kind of distinct beginning and ending is not the way marriage actually works. Most of the time, the wedding is a celebration of something (marriage) that took place weeks, months or even years earlier. The marriage certificate and date simply validate the commitment made. Likewise, the actual divorce decree is simply the validation of a process that likely took months or years to complete.
So, like marriage, divorce is both an emotional and legal event. In fact, for most couples the emotional aspect of divorce is much more difficult, time consuming and perhaps important than the legal aspect. When asked, most divorce attorneys will acknowledge that the legal dimension of divorce is often the place where couples act out their emotional divorce. The net result is that each party commits to pay $250 to $450 per hour to an attorney who will deal with emotional issues but who has no training in that area and who often exacerbates the emotional aspects of the divorce by using aggressive and adversarial language.
We believe divorce is primarily an emotional event and that the legal aspect of divorce simply formalizes the intention and/or the fact of the emotional divorce. The legal profession has an essential role in divorce but it should be engaged at the end of the process—not at the beginning.
Divorce Mediation
What is divorce mediation?
Divorce mediation is essentially a problem solving conversation between spouses who have decided to end their marriage. The divorce mediator’s responsibility is to provide the couple with a structured, balanced and safe environment within which they can come to a mutually agreed upon conclusion about property distribution and time with children. Unlike the court system, divorce mediation is completely voluntary, non-adversarial and confidential. The court system tends to be coercive, adversarial and public. In addition, mediation is almost certainly much less expensive than litigation and much quicker.
We believe divorce is primarily an emotional event. The legal aspect of divorce simply formalizes the intention and/or the fact of the emotional divorce. The legal profession has an essential role in divorce but it should be engaged at the end of the process, not at the beginning.
A Different Way to DivorceIf divorce is all about disentangling two people emotionally, then it makes sense to begin with a mediator and NOT to an attorney. The legal process is by its very nature adversarial. Adding an aversarial ingredient to an already conflict ridden situation is like pouring gasoline on a fire. Granted, eventually the fire will burn itself out but the damage that will likely occur in the process is usually substantial.
Our approach to divorce begins with the assumption that most divorcing couples are seeking freedom—freedom from anger, confusion and fear. Many who have experienced a difficult divorce would attest to the fact that introducing an attorney at the onset of the divorce process only increases anger, confusion and fear. As a result, we believe mediation is the most desirable route to divorce. |
Advantages of Divorce Mediation
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