Discernment Counseling

Choosing a Path Forward

Both Dr. Hiltz and Dr. Thiessen are trained Discernment Counselors. Discernment Counseling is simply a clearly established format for helping couples choose the path they would like to take in their relationship.
Discernment counseling is short term. The focus is not on solving marital problems but on seeing if they could potentially be solved.

Unlike traditional couple therapy that assumes that both people are willing to work on the relationship, discernment counseling helps people decide whether to work on their relationship or keep moving towards divorce.
Unlike individual therapy that usually takes one person’s side, in discernment counseling the counselor works to understand both partners, even if they see things very differently.

Discernment Counseling is for people who are considering divorce but are not completely sure if it’s the right path for them. They want to take one more look before making a permanent decision with long term consequences. It’s for people who want to give their marriage another chance even though their spouse is moving towards divorce.

What happens in Discernment Counseling?

Dr. Hiltz and Dr. Thiessen help couples decide whether to try to restore their marriage to health, move towards divorce, or take a time out and decide later. The sessions include conversation with the couple together and individual conversations with each spouse. The reasons for divorce are respected while trying to open up the possibility of restoring the marriage to health.
Emphasis is placed on the importance of each party seeing his or her own contributions to the problems and the possible solutions. This will be useful in future relationships even if this one ends. Discernment counseling is considered successful when people have clarity and confidence in their decision.
When a decision emerges, Dr. Hiltz and Dr. Thiessen help the parties either to find professionals who can help them have a constructive divorce or to formulate a reconciliation work plan to create a healthy, successful marriage. In some cases, couples decide to take a time out from the discernment process and return later.

How long does it take?

Discernment counseling involves a maximum of five counseling sessions. The first session is usually 2 hours, and subsequent sessions are 1.5 to 2 hours. Fees for counseling will be discussed when you contact us.