Couples at Crossroads
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Couple Coaching

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The Essence of Couple Coaching

Because change is more likely to occur relationally  than intellectually, couples coaching offers an excellent opportunity to alter one’s life circumstances. Change often depends on our feeling accepted as we are. Acceptance, in turn, creates the safe environment necessary to meaningful change.  By communicating acceptance to our partner we move toward offering unconditional love.  Most of us want to feel that however messed up we may be, we are still worthwhile, valuable human beings, deserving of love and respect. We want to experience this feeling with our partner despite the fact that we may not feel it to be true within ourselves.
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When we say to our partners that we will love and respect them if they change, then they are likely to feel as if they have to stay the same. They have no choice. They must continue struggling against our judgment in order to maintain a sense of personal integrity. Feeling accepted as we are is the foundation of becoming a fully realized person. It gives us the freedom to choose to change, not because someone else wants us to, but for our own growth and fulfillment​.

Most couples gain their individuality at the expense of being related. On the other hand, they often gain a feeling of relatedness at the expense of their individuality. Holding the paradox of being separate and related at the same time guarantees intimacy and wholeness.

Goals of Couple Coaching

Perhaps the most important goal of couples coaching is to encourage two people to connect meaningfully without losing their independence–their sense of self–to accept each other fully while accepting themselves fully. In other words, the goal is to achieve separateness and relatedness at the same time.

Most couples gain their separateness or individuality at the expense of being related. On the other hand, they often gain a feeling of relatedness at the expense of their individuality. Trading one for the other almost guarantees a loss of intimacy and wholeness.

In a successful relationship the paradox of being both separate and related exists comfortably without giving in to confusion, anger or fear.

Couples Coaching can be an essential tool in achieving and maintaining this important balance.

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Making change possible!


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  • Home
  • Services
    • Couple Therapy >
      • Three Rules for Guaranteed Improvement
      • Fees and Insurance
    • Intensive for Couples
    • Choosing A Path >
      • Help Choosing A Path
    • Becoming Faithful: Healing After an Affair
    • Couple Sex Therapy
  • About Us
    • Jake Thiessen, PhD
    • Nicolee Hiltz, PhD
  • Contact Us
  • Blog
  • Online Help
  • Should I stay? Should I leave?
  • Home